Thursday, 10 March 2016

Fantastic Voyage - "The War of the Germs" Screenplay

I've tweaked this a little bit more, hoping that it's much more achievable and succinct.


  1. Much more succinct - I just wonder if you need, in terms of your ending, the idea that the 'war' will now spread to the very people the soldiers were trying to protect - so a greater sense that the war is coming to everyone else now (i.e. no drugs left by which to save people) - but also, some sense from your narrator that, in fighting the enemy, they have created the enemy - an idea of the rush to use all available 'soldiers' has in fact, brought about the downfall of the human race? Also - he signs off as 'Preston' - I might be being thick - but does this name need to have more obvious synergy with the name of an antibiotic?

    1. Ah good shout!, I'll explore that idea shortly, that would definitely make the effort seem all that more futile, and add a nice sense of dread to the ending, whilst also linking back to the information :)

      As for the names, The surnames for each soldier are shortened versions of antibiotics, I just thought I'd go for an old fashioned sounding first name, to link with the war theme. I could look into chucking another antibiotic name in there for his first name though :)

    2. Perhaps Alexander, after Alexander Fleming?

  2. I just think you need him to sign off as Collis then.

    If you think about it, you could make the whole purpose of his letter to be a warning; indeed, you could actually scrap the 'wife' element completely, and just make Collis' letter a warning to those who find his body - and the warning is 'they're coming', but also, crucially, 'we lost the war because we tried always to win the battles'...